Wisconsin's Caregiver Corner

Wisconsin Long-Term Care: Choosing the Right Place

Many of us hope to stay in our homes as we grow older. Often we are able to do that. But later in life—usually by our 80s and 90s—some of us will need help with everyday activities like shopping, cooking, or bathing. A few of us will require more help on a daily basis. Maybe that means it’s time to move to a place where expert care is available around-the-clock.

Where to start

Do you think that your loved one shouldn’t live at home any longer? It might be your husband or wife, a parent, aunt or uncle, or even a grandparent. You’ve already added a hand rail on the front steps and grab bars in the bathroom. You’ve made plans for a home health aide to come to the house every day to care for your loved one. You’ve arranged for help with meals, and you visit every day. But now you wonder if staying at home isn’t the best choice any longer. Where should you go for help? Here are some answers to that question and other questions that might arise as you look for the best place for you or your relative to live.

Sometimes the need for help grows over time. For example, Bob is 87 years old. He has lived alone since his wife died ten years ago. For the last few years, he has needed more and more help doing things for himself. First, he had trouble making dinner. So he began eating a big lunch at the local senior center until last year when he was unable to drive any longer. Now his daughter drops off meals and at other times meals are delivered by a local program. The stairs in his house are becoming too difficult to climb. Bob has also started forgetting more and more things. He often forgets to take his blood pressure medicine. He has also begun leaving the burner on the stove turned on several times in the last few weeks. He doesn’t want to move in with his daughter and her family as he doesn’t want to burden them, so Bob and his daughter start looking for a new place for him to live.

Over the last year Bob’s daughter has been thinking this time might come sooner than expected. She knows what’s available as she’s been learning about retirement communities. She’s looked into how they will help her pay for the care her father needs. Bob also has been doing some planning. He is upset about leaving his home, but he has been preparing for the time when he would be needing more help. He even signed up on a waiting list for a nearby retirement community that he liked. Now they have an opening. The admission coordinator at the community can help him decide if he can live in one of their apartments or needs to be in their assisted living facility.

Bob and his daughter were fortunate. Sometimes the choice will need to made quickly. If you haven’t planned ahead, then making a decision might not be so easy. For example, Alice and her husband have lived in their house for 50 years. At 84, she still loves to cook and work in her garden every day. Last week she slipped in her bathroom. She fell and broke her hip. After the operation to fix her hip, she needs to go somewhere for nursing care and rehabilitation. Her doctors don’t know if she’ll ever recover enough to go home again. Her children live hundreds of miles away. But her husband and family only have a few days to find a place.

Alice and her family were not prepared like Bob and his family. The social worker and discharge planner at the hospital can help Alice and her family find a place for Alice to go for therapy after she leaves the hospital. But if she is too frail to go home after her hip heals, she and her family will have to choose a place for her to live permanently.

WHAT TO DO WITH AN AGING PARENT OR LOVED ONE WHO CAN NO LONGER TAKE CARE OF THEMSELF

It is extremely difficult to decide what to do with an aging parent that can no longer take care of themselves. Experts advise families to think carefully before moving an aging adult into an adult child’s home. Below is a list of suggestions to consider before deciding whether or not to move your parent to your home:

• Evaluate whether your loved one will need constant supervision or assistance throughout the day, and consider how this should be provided.

• Identify which activities of daily living (eating, bathing, toileting) your loved one can perform on their own and what activities they will need help with.

• Determine your own comfort level for providing personal care such as bathing or changing your loved one’s adult diaper.

• Take an honest look at your own health and physical abilities, and decide if you are able to provide care for your loved one on your own, perhaps you will not be able.

• Expect changes in your loved one’s medical or cognitive condition.

• Explore the availability of special services such as a friendly visitor, in-home care, or Wisconsin adult day services.

• Investigate back-up options if living with your loved one simply does not work or is not your first choice.

• Consider the type of medical care your parent needs and find out if appropriate doctors and services are available in your community.

Chosing care for a loved one can be an diffcult task. To start planning ahead, click here to find out what the next steps are.